Friday, March 24, 2017

How to Get Away With Murder

If you happen to have anger management issues like Anakin Skywalker, or are simply fed up with someone ,then you have probably thought of murdering them. If done right murder can be a very simple solution. It is (A) A way to dispose of someone without being rude (B) A way to dispense of multiple enemies, and (C) It makes your life much easier.

These all sound really great and all, but how do you go about killing someone? Well here are my 5 tips on how to get away with murder.

#1. Plan your escape route. I cannot stress this tip enough. Say that your victim is married, or still lives with his parents, and you happen to arouse one of them with all the noise. Things would get really bad really quick if you don't have an escape route planned. This is one of the first things you should plan. If you don't have an escape route, then don't even bother.

#2. Choose your method.  You'll likely want to avoid using a knife or a gun, as they can easily be traced back to you, and all the blood would stain the carpet. But other than that your options are pretty open. You can try using a really strong poison, or even placing a king colbra on their bed, whatever floats your boat. Just remember to try and use something that leaves as little evidence as possible.

#3. Wipe yourself clean.   You're going to have to find some place to be and an excuse for why you were there so you won't be blamed. You could try taking a vacation somewhere for a few weeks, or you could even try doing something as simple as going too the movies, just find some reason and you should be fine.

#4. Get rid of the witnesses. It's very likely that the people close to the victim will know about your prejudice against him, so you should quickly and quietly get rid off them. It doesn't matter how cute they are or how much you want to keep them, you have to do something about them.

And finally.....

#5. Find someone to blame.  Like I said earlier, this is a great way to dispose of multiple enemies. Try shifting the blame to someone else you don't like. If done right it should result in murder charges for the blamed, and you getting away Scott free.

So there you have it! a short but sweet guide on how to get away with murder. Let me know what you think in the comments below, and tell me what some of your methods for getting away with murder would be.

Friday, March 17, 2017

My Thoughts On Christian Fiction

You know what I love to see? A Christian fiction that I sincerely enjoy. Because I don't about you guys, but that is something I have struggled to find.

We as Christians have a responsibility to be unique, to not back away from the tough topics, and to not make reader/watchers bored to tears.

I've noticed these four things that MOST Christian Fiction has in common.

(A) They're about as Diverse as a Hallmark movie.
*Cough* Shadow Mancer *cough**Cough*

(B) The villains are all the same.
They're either completely bad (God forbid we have a gray villain) or else some sort of person they were close to died and they have now wandered away from their faith, but that's ok, because after they whine for most of the story the find God again in one. Single. Scene.

(C) They like cramming theology down your throat.

(D) They portray all non Christians as horrible people.
It's just like: "Hmm, lets add a few non Christians to this book and make them all evil" Yeah, sure. That Will REALLY help more people find Christ. It's ok if the villains are non Christians, but that doesn't mean, you know, all of them have to be jerks.

I know the authors mean well and all, but I wish they would go about it in a different way. They've become so desperate to get the message out, that they are either super preachy or else take liberties in order to try and make the stories interesting.

Christian stories just have so much potential to be deep and moving. Don't waste that potential. Keep striving towards creating that great story, and one day you will be glad you did.

But, of course, what do I know? I'm simply speaking as a reader, not a writer. And everyone knows that you have to be a writer in order to recognize quality writing.

What do you think of Christian Fiction? Do you have any favorites, and if so why? Talk to me in the comments below, and we shall have a lovely geek conversation.

Friday, March 10, 2017

Book to Movie Adaptions

Ah, book to movie adaptations. The very thing that makes you want to scream, stab something, and stress eat Ice cream all at the same time. If it's done well you want to watch it 100+ times. But if it isn't exactly what you had hoped, well....... lets just say the director will probably need security guards for the rest of their life.

Movies such as: Lord of the Rings and The Hunger Games, all stuck to the books and were huge successes. Although, that's probably all just completely coincidental.

Sadly, however, not all movies are smart. Some of them are just like: "I don't need you book! I'm going to be my own separate Bookson" 

To give an example let me talk (Rage) about a bad adaption. I'm pretty sure you guys know exactly which one: PERCY JACKSON!

Pretty much the only things recognizable to the books were (1) The characters names and (2) Luke Castellan's personality. The similarities end there.

The whole point of the quest was changed. For some reason the directors thought it would be a better plot if they went questing to find a bunch of pearls (Which were given to them in the beginning of the book) that let you teleport once, rather than them going to try to find a super powerful weapon that could start a civil war between the gods. Go figure

And get this. Percy. Did. Not. Make. One. Sarcastic. Comment. The. Whole. Movie. Just NO! Percy's sarcastic narration was one of the best things about the books.

Sometimes I just wish that the movies were people so I could murder them (Although, killing them wouldn't be that hard. I would probably just have to show it the book and it would just vanish. Sort of like how the Bible scares away demons)

But, of course, if you like the movies that's fine. I promise that I won't hunt you down and murder you. I'll only remove a few limbs. Much less messy that way (Ok, I'm not that creepy. I'm a nice person, I promise)

This whole post comes down to one sentence:

What did you think of the Percy Jackson movies or just adaptations in general. Do you like/not like them? Talk to me in the comments below. Come now, don't be shy, I only bite 50% of the time.


Saturday, March 4, 2017

Iron Man: The Gauntlet Review

Last month was not a great book month. The best books that I read  were, at best, Mediocre, except for one particular book. My book of the month, Iron Man: The Gauntlet.
That must have been a big surprise right? I mean, it's not like the post title or the big book cover at the top of the page gave it away. 

To start out with let me say that this book was decent but not the greatest. Don't get me wrong, I still very much enjoyed it, but I also felt like it was greatly lacking in a few areas.

The main reason I decided to read it was (A) It's about Tony Stark. And (B) It was written by one of my favorite authors: The brilliant Eoin Colfer. And, I mean, how could I go wrong? the book was written by Colfer for goodness sake.
 Since I'm a nice person and am always thoughtful of other people I will start with talking about what I liked about the book. So let's get to it.

What I liked: The author did something that many have tried, and failed to do: He made Tony snarky, but clean. Somehow someway he did it. And I really appreciated that.

I also really liked how the first chapter of the book shows Tony having a conversation with his father, and how we see throughout the book that that conversation impacted him on a deep level.

The Manor (a character who isn't quite a major or a minor character. Yes I made up that word. Deal with it) characters were well developed and quite interesting. There was never that one character whose narration got so boring I just wanted put the character in a blender and feed them to my dogs.

But where there are things that I did like, there are also.............

Things that I didn't like: While I did appreciate Colfer keeping Tony clean, I felt like he overdid it a little bit. Don't get me wrong, I didn't want Colfer to make him a pig, but I think to a point that sort of defines Batman's er. I mean Tony's (Same difference really. Both hare rich and both don't have parents anymore) character. At one point Stark mentions that he had given up drinking years before, which just felt like an in-Stark like thing. Little things like that just derived from Tony's character a little bit. I would have just preferred it if Colfer had just left out all those comments from Tony about how he had given up all of his addictions, it just didn't feel right coming from him. I'm not for guys being sluts, alcaholic's and all the likes, but I don't like it when characters personalities change either.

Another big complaint of mine is that the story came to a stand still and got rather dry at times. Which I know is a really lame complaint and all, but I'm going to complain about it anyway because I'm a grouchy grapefruit and all.

My final complaint is that the whole big plot is supposed to be about Tony surviving without his suit, and yet he is only without it for about 1 chapter. It just felt kind of misleading.

And wrap that up and give it to a child on Christmas. Cause were done.

have you read the book? What did you think of it? Do you read any Colfer books, and if so, what were some of your favorites? Talk to me in the comment below.

As a side note, I would really appreciate it if you would vote on the poll located at the top right hand corner. That is all, you may continue with your day peasant.